Almost

     I cried kagabi. I cried because I felt that I just have to give up. I cried because I realized that I have to move on and let go. I realized that I have to forget him. I cried because I know in myself I'm too weak to continue what am I fighting for. This maybe corny to everybody but seriously if you were in my shoe, you'll know how it feels to be like this. I don;t why am I like this. Di ko din alam bakit pa din ako umaasa. Bakit everyday kelangan isipin ko siya. Bakit everday kelangan mamiss ko siya. Ewan ko. I still felt bad when he lied to me, pero I can't feel mad at him. And it was too hard, kasi di ko siya magawa. My bestfriends were angry at him because of what he did (the lying thing) pero I kpt on telling them, "May reason siya okay. Wag nga kayo magalit." And I can feel na naiinis na sila sa kin kasi lagi kong pinagtatanggol siya. Tama naman ako di ba? Basta ayoko lang mang-blame. Because I knew meron din akong kasalanan. Right now, I'm clueless of what should I do. Tama na siguro 'to. Maybe andaming nights ako iiyak ng iiyak. Or everyday kung siyang iisip at mamimiss, but I know in God's time, mawawala din 'to. And step by step he'll my heart again.

Answers

     There would be a time in our life where in somebody will lie to us, cheat to us, back stab us, spread rumors about us, hate us, and hurt us. And strength is really needed to face them all. It's almost a month na, and I'm glad I have the answer to my question. I know the truth. Alam ko na.

     I'm not numb not to feel that he's still here here sa 'Pinas. I'm just too stupid to let myself believe in the lie he created. To allow myself from being fooled. Wala lang, ayoko lang kasi maniwala na totoo yung nararamdaman ko, yung nakikita ko. Kasi obviously when you knew that you've been lied to, magagalit ka di ba? And I don't wanna get mad at him, nor hate him. Kasi alam kong may reason. Pero, I just hope na sana sinabi na lang niya na he wants to distance himself sa akin, or distance myself to him. Na there's something wrong with me that's why he have to do it. Because lots of questions are bothering me ngayon. Na only him can answer. Although kanina supposedly, I'll be going at UP Fair, na andun "ata" siya I don't know, and I was planning to ask him if ever andun nga siya. Pero I think it's not yet time, and I assure myself I'm not ready to face him.

     Ewan ba bakit lagi na lang kelangan ako ganto. Inaantok na ko. Time check 1:19 am. Goodnight.

Patch

     "Wake up my dearest. Wake up..."

     Actually I have tons of things to say kaso whenever I'm in front of my laptop parang naeerase lahat yung gusto kong sabihin :)) Yesterday kung kami pa, is our monthsary. And wala lang, naisip ko siya. What is he doing or something. I got over na sa pagiging lonely ko about what had happened. Now I'm in the stage of reminiscing the past because I miss him a lot siguro. I dunno, pero kasi wala na kong pain, or something, siguro regrets na lang or mga panghihinayang na lang pero beside that wala na. Time heals nga naman. Oo, umaasa ako sa "someday"... pero right now, I'm too young. I stilll have lot of chances. Maybe engaging into relationships is not yet planned for me. Maybe he's not the prince that will be my forever. Pero deep inside I'm still hoping na sana one day we'll meet again and we'll be together, and he'll be "the one". Although alam kong isa lang yung wishful thinking. Okay lang yan, nangangarap lang naman ako eh. Wala namang mawawala sa akin. Siguro mga answers na lang talaga ang kelangan ko then I'll have my perfect peace na talaga. He'll be forever in my heart that's one thing for sure. Kahit na di na kami ulit mag-usap or magkita, I'll keep him safe inside my heart. Pero right now, sana magparamdam na siya. Yun lang. Anyway it is already 1:15 am and may pasok pa ako bukas. And I haven't fixed my things yet. Oh so pasaway Chatty. Goodnight >:D<

Glance

     It's been a while since my last post and today is my first blog post this love month, February. Right everybody is busy preparing for their plans on valentines day, or what to wear in prom. Busy building their courage to ask somebody out on Valentines Day or prom. And it's funny to see that there are still a lot of people who believe in the magic of love even though they have been through a lot of heartaches. That's the spirit! :)

     It's been a while also since I have my last blog post about me, or how I feel. Right now, let's just say, I'm going through a lot of hardships and funny because whenever I felt bad, or something, I took a glance on the saved messages from him that I kept. And rereading them made me feel better. Siguro kasi, I don't think about the pains that I got through with him, but instead remember how much joy I've received during those times. How he made my day with a simple message. Kasi even though our story ended like that I should be happy that I've been blessed to have him even for a short while.