Real Essence

"It's not always about you and him."

          It's the last day of the year today. Hoping you have a wonderful new year. I just learned my lesson. And maybe somehow, I could say, I'm already moving on. There's always a perfect time for everything. Maybe not now, not tomorrow, not this year, and not next year. But sure it will come. But one thing that won't change. And that is for whom does this heart beats and longs for. #FMC.

Perfect Peace

"Burdens that you bear, offer no relief. Let Me bear your load.
'Cause I will give you perfect peace"

          Will you say you're happy, if you're faking a smile. When in your eyes, you keep on hiding the grieve. When in your heart you're keeping the pain. When in your mind you can;t even have the Perfect Peace. Struggles, hardships, worries, pains, grieves, we all have these issues. We carry out all these things, every single day. It's just that there are people who knows how to carry these stuffs with a smile on their face.

         When life gives us a reason to smile, don't waste it. When it gives us a reason to laugh, enjoy it. When it gives a reason to be happy, cherish it. Because we never know, one day all of these can be replace by sadness, hatreds, and pains. So when life gives you a reason to be sad, hold on, and trust Him. He'll never leave you alone.

           Minsan kahit gaano pa kahirap lagpasan ang isang pagsubok o kaya kahit gaano pa kadali ito, kapag napagod na tayo, basta na lang tayo sumusuko. Kasi akala natin, napaka-UNFAIR ng buhay sa atin. Pero minsan, kahit anung gawin mong solusyon, at kahit anong pilit mo para masolusyonan iyon, kelangan mo na lang bumitiw. Bumitiw di dahil napapagod ka na sa paulit-ulit nitong kinalalabsan kundi bumitiw ka kasi, walang wala ka na. Minsan sa sobrang pilit natin masolusyonan ang isang bagay nakakalimutan na natin magtira para sa sarili natin. It's either Pride, Love, or Joy. Kasi sa sobrang gusto natin makuha ang bagay na iyon, di natin natanong ang sarili natin "Kung bigay ka ng bigay para sa iba, ano pa maibibigay mo para sa sarili mo?  Ano pa ang maibibigay mo?" Yan ang natutunan ko ngayong araw na ito.

       " Though this life is hard
Know that I will always give you perfect peace."

Tattered

         "Pano kung may GF na ko ulit?"

          Hanggang ngayon napapaisip pa din ako sa tanong yan. Kasi, oo nga no? Pano kaya kung may bago na siya ulit? Ano nga ba irereact ko? Ano nga ba mafefeel ko? Di ko alam. Hahaha. Pero ang alam ko nung nabasa ko yung tanong na 'to, ang naramadaman ko ay yung parehas na nafeel ko nung nakipag-break siya sa akin. Di ko alam kung bakit yun yung naramadam ko, pero gumuho yung pag-asa ko na pwede pa ibalik yung dati. Siguro nga wala ng pag-asa na mabalik pa yung dati, sige, kahit mahirap tatanggapin ko. Ilang linggong pag-iyak lang naman to tuwing gabi.

          It's been 3 weeks na since the break-up, pero ang hirap pa din pala. Akala ko kasi, pag ganto na katagal magiging okay na ulit yung lahat, pero mahirap kasi di ko pa siya kayang pakawalan. Pero mag-tatry ako ng mabuti para gawin yun. Kasi, di ko naman na din hawak ang puso niya. Mahirap umasa. Umasa sa isang bagay na di ka sigurado kung mapagtatagumpayan mo ito. Kasi in the end, disappointment lang mapapala mo. Pero sa tulad ko, kahit ilang disappointment pa ang maranasan ko, okay lang at least nag-try ako. Wala akong pinagsisisihan na di ko ginawa. Ngayon, di ko alam. Clueless ako. Ano ba dapat maramdaman ko? :(

What this Core Utters

Your love surrounds me everyday I live for You
You have brought Your freedom in my life

          We can't rewind the past to undo what have we done, nor we can't fast forward the future to see what will come, because life is what you make it. You just have to learned to stand up when you fall. Smile when sadness comes. Love when hatreds are eating us up. It is simple as that but difficult to do.

          I never thought I will come to the point of having those regrets. Regrets of pushing things into limit. Regrets of unable to wait for the right time. Regrets of putting my heart over my mind. I regretted living in my own fantasy, living in the world of dream, living in the words of love. I regretted surrendering half of my life putting myself into thinking that those dreams that I've always wanted to will do come true. Now, I'm hating myself. Hating myself for being like this. For being unable to move on, to let go, to be happy without depending to somebody else, to be honest that every single day that I woke-up, and every single night that I sleep, I'm still hurting, and to accept the fact that everything's just back to normal.

           This my up and down full version story. I'm not asking you to enjoy it, I just want to share it.

         It was March last year, school year almost end, I got his number from this friend of mine. At first, he's just a nobody else. The one who sent GM's, the one you can text when you felt like texting it. Just like that. As simple as that. Until September 2010, yes, I'm on my third year already, that was the time I fell in love with this guy. He has a girlfriend, I told myself "Think positive, magbebreak din yan". Funny right? But that's true. Until then I tried to be a good friend to him. But that made me want him even more. I fell with him deeply, so when he got his long time girlfriend, it hurts me. Because when the time came that I wanted to confess my feelings for him it's too late. I can't do it anymore. December 26, 2010. I asked God "Father, just let me do this, just let me tell this to him, and I'll disappear.". So December 26, that night at 11:43 pm I confessed to him. I told him that I love him, that I like I confessed to him. Of course I can;t expect something from him, he's in a relationship that's all. We had this something that I know even if its just for a short time, I've cherished every moment. Until it was April 2011, he and his girlfriend broke-up, th same thing he ended up every connections he had. For 14 months, I've been loving him. Googling his name for some blogs. Searching if he has a twitter. If he had his facebook activated again. Everything, I did to find him. Until it was December 2, 2011 at around 11:25 am, I took the risk of asking if he owns the number, and there it is, I found him at last! There I never waste every single moment I could have, every opportunity I could grab just to talk with him and so on, y'know that part already.

          And now. here I am mumbling those thoughts. Reminiscing every delighted moment. Rereading every single texts saved. Every tweets. Thinking "How I wished I could just have this time machine and go back to that part of my life". Because inside this lady typing a blog post to share, is a crying lad, hoping that these things never happened, that those dreams had never shattered. And that everything is just fine as always.

         I just hope to see a smiling me again, without faking it. Where in no matter how I tried to have a drama, I just smile. But I can;t change the reality. It is here, it's planned by Him. It's inevitable. I just have to DEAL with it. :)

"Thank you God for having him enter my life, it may gave me difficult times, I'm still thankful though."

Melancholic Beats

"This drastic. I can't even control myself from breaking."

          I rememeber this saying to my friend. Totoo kasi. No matter how I try to remind myself nagiging ganto pa din. Alam mo yung feling na ang bigat bigat sa dibdib, tas hindi ka mapakali, tas naiirita ka sa mga kumakausap sa'yo. Yun! Bakit ganun? I just to take back all the happy memories. Kahit wala na ung "kami". Pero I know na...ewan. Drama lang.

Departed

          "He'll be forever in my heart,that's what makes it important. Even if a thousand years had passed nothing can change that"

           Christmas na christmas ganto ako. Ang plastic ko. I pretend that it's a Merry Christmas although hindi naman talaga. Wala lang. Di ko na alam bakit ganto. I'm trying, pero ang hirap sobra, kasi in the end hinahanap hanap ko siya. I always tell myself "tama na Chat, tama na." pero it didn't work. Sana I'm just numb.

           Gusto ko yung happiness ko mabalik, Yung masaya talga. Kahit walang rason na lang. Basta masaya. Yun lan naman eh. Yun lang gusto ko. HAHAHAHA. Sige lalayo na lang ako. PAra matapos na 'to.

Drift

"Just leave me your stardust to remember you by"

          Hey, its Christmas Eve! And somehow I felt empty. My last talk with him was 4 am kanina. HAHA. And I got no texts from him after that until now. Moving on... bakit ang hirap mo? Not because I can't pero ayoko lang. Bakit? Kasi I'm scared that he'll find his princess and soon forget me. Ewan ko ayoko na kasing mafeel yuing hinahanap hanap mo siya. Pag bago ka matulog aalalahanin mo asan na kaya siya, ano ginagawa niya. Yun. Ewan basta mahirap maging ganto. 

          Ang cold ng Christmas ko ayon sa akin. Ewan. HAHAHA. Basta sana gumanda ganda na.

Why Can't It be

  "Why can't it be the two of us. Why can't we be lovers. only friends."

         As my day ends, I somehow realized something. That is to be contented on what I have now. I shouldn't have ask for more, but instead matuwa na lang ako at makuntento sa kung anung meron at anung position ko ngayon. I'm moving on na nga. Sige na, but not because sinabi kong I'm moving on eh, ayoko ko na sa kanya. HAHAHA. Umaasa pa din ako! Okay, ayoko lang yung pinagsisiksikan ko sarili. Kasi mas masakit yun, although umaasa pa din ako (haha.paulit-ulit kasi) Pero this is life. Maybe God has a better plan for me. And He just want me to learned my lesson. Pero still, kahit paulit ulit ko siyang sinasabi, there's a sudden pain na mafefeel ko tapos may tears na lang na malalaglag sa laptop ko. HAHAHA. Weew.

          Friends. I'm contented with good friends. Okay na yan! Jusme. HAHAHA. Ayoko ng mag-drama pa tuwing gabi. O kaya ayoko na din matanong nila Ange, Jenny, etc na "O kamusta ka na? Okay ka na?" Let's just live a happy life. Siguro yun na lang para mas masaya. "Chat, your star will shine though, just keep on believing" 

Unidentified Alien

               "When he crossed my mind and heart, he never really left. Nag-hide lang pala siya."

          Honestly, di ko alam kung ano na ako sa kanya ngayon. Am I just an ex? An ex/friend? An ex/ we still have something? HAHAHA. Gulong gulo na din ako. I don;t know my position. What is my hold. kasi I'm totally clueless. Pero kung ako ung tatanungin kung ano siya sa akin, HE'S MY PRINCE, MY WORLD, He's the one who made my heart skip a beat. Who gave me butterflies in my tummy. I'm not obsessed, I'm just... loyal. I thought that in that 8 months of no communication I got over him na. But hindi pal pala. Kasi when he crossed my mind and heart he never really left, nag-hide lang pala siya.

        When we broke-up my friends told me, "don't cry he doesn't deserve you, forget him". Pero I don't listen. Kasi I don't want to lie sa sarili and force myself. So in my head "go on, tell me that, I know you're being a friend to me, I appreciate it". Until now, ganto pa din ako ka-STUBBORN.

          I never thought that I'll love like this. (corny talaga wag kayong umangal). Kasi ang bitter ko sa love actually. As in! HAHAHA. He melt the ice in my chest. And thankful ako dun. Kaya ayan, ang hirap niya i-let go. Stupidity daw tawag sa ganto, pero I don;t care. Kasi in my mind "ayos lang yan, lahat naman ng tao nagpapakatanga eh. Ang mahalaga, masaya siya kahit painful sa kin." Bakit? Ganun naman talaga di ba? And that's the important lesson na natutunan ko. Learn how to give.

          Now all I want is my consistency. Yung assurance. Yung place ko. Kung ano ba talaga ako sa kanya. Na pag tinatanong ako nila, hindi "Ewan ko. Friends. Hahaha" ang isasagot ko. Kasi nahihya akong itanong yun sa kanya. kasi nga SINO NGA BA AKO SA KANYA NGAYON? Pero kasi kelangan ko din yun malaman. Haayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. "When you love a person you'll never stop loving them. You just stop showing it to them."

Impede My Chest From Teeming

             Sana masaya ulit ako. Yung tipong nakangiti ako pag nakaharap ako sa laptop ko kaso hindi. Masaya pa din naman, kasi natutuwa ako sa mga nababasa ko. Nakakausap ko yung mga nakakainis sa kakornihan na tao, pero iba pa din talaga yung saya, basta alam mo na yun.

             I think that it is actually normal for a girl in my age to feel this. Kasi our emotions our still fragile. It would really look like O.A but of you were on my shoe, you'll understand me. Right now, I'm holding on the rope that will eventually break soon. Gasping a a thin air. And soon enough I will eventually die. Yan yung nafefeeel ko okay. Wag kayong O.A.. Hate this drama pero kasi ganun talaga eh. Tama na nga.

Unreplied

        "I'm not afraid of sleeping, I'm just afraid that when I woke-up everything will be back to to reality."

            It was 1:32 am when he sent a text message. That time I was busy having my own drama on how things went, and how will things go. And then I saw a familiar number, and I read it. I was a bit surprise that he still want my goodnight messages. And that made me cry. I cried because how I wish we're still together, doing our old stuffs. I missed myself spending until 2o'clock in the morning in front of my laptop tweeting with him, having a sweet corny covos with him. Or "texting" until 3 am waiting for him to sleep. Sending "Goodmorning...Text me if you're awake... Iloveyouuuu" messages and goodnight messages. I just missed dong all those stuffs not because I'm used to it, but because I want to do those stuffs to him. I want him to let him feel how much I care for our relationship and how much I want our relationship to grow longer. But unfortunately fate doesn't want to. And we ended on breaking-up.

            I felt so sad. Really sad. Every minute of the night, all I think about was how I was spending my dead hours few days ago. How I rebel to my mom just to use my laptop. How I woke-up having  my smile reached my ears. How cheerful I was. Because that night after he said the words I didn't want to hear, all I did was cry. Reminisce. Cry. And reminisce again. And when I woke-up, I want to take off my eye glasses and put on my SUNGLASSES so that they won't notice how dreadful my eyes were. How I just want to plug-in my earphones, volumes up and not let anyone to asked me the question "How are you?" , because I knew that if I would answer their question I would just lie and say "I'm fine. Really, don;t worry about me." and that sucks.

            I don't know if I am just too overreacting about this, but for me I just want to putt off all the pains inside my chest, hoping that maybe it will ease the pain that I'm going through. We're still friends, and I'm happy that we're still friends. I admit that I was hoping we could be together again, but I don't want somebody to be forced just to love me back. I will wait. I'll wait til his ready for a relationship. And if he is ready, but unfortunately not to me, I'll be fine. I'll still wait. Even of they'll thought that I was stupid to do it, I'll still do it. Because I love him this big. And I will always will.

ASDFGHJKL

               Malungkot yung araw ko ngayon. Kasi inaantay ko ang pag-gising niya, tapos mag tetext siya na "Goodmorning! Ngayon lang po ako nagising........" "Iloveyouuuu" o kaya naman yung pagtetweet niya na corny pero sweet. Basta yun. Kasi hinihintay ko yun. At naghihintay ako sa wala. Kasi things aren;t the same anymore since last night. I wonder what he felt. How he reacted. How is he now. Wala lang kasi di ko maiwasan na yun ang isipin ko. He never left my mind. Nor ever left my heart. Kahit na yung time na una kaming nagkakilala I mean yung time na I felt something sa kanya, which is I guess last year September pa. Sabi ko nun "Pag naging single 'to, popormahan ko 'to" HAHAHA. Pero sinabi ko talaga 'to, at ngayon naging kami na, at natapos na din yung pagiging kami.

               Ayoko ng umiyak kasi halata na masyado yung mata ko. Hahaha. Pero di ko maiwasan lalo na pagbiglang nagkakaron ng akward silence tas yun yung maaalala mo. HAHAHA. O mundo anung meron sa'yo? XD. Nababaliw na ko. Ang walang katuturan na ng pinagsasasabi ko. Yaan mo, mammaya, aayusin ko na ang blog post ko.

Closing Stages

                    "I have something to tell- greg"

            Yesterday, December 11, 2011. The relationship that I've always wanted has ended. The guy that I always love, break up with me. And if I could describe myself last night, I was TERRIBLE. The time that I have received that message I felt the nervousness of, "what's this, is he breaking up with me? oh please not now." But guess what, my feelings are right. He did break up with me. I'm not mad because we're over as far as I remember he want us to be the same, more likely as FRIENDS. But still it's really painful to hear the words "I'm breaking up with you" that's why maybe I cried a lot.

        I cried a river last night. I cried while I'm telling my close friend about what what had happened, I cried when he's telling me the reason. I just CRIED. I felt like I've wasted my almost one year of waiting, but I just have to smile, be lucky, that I still found him. If you're curious what do I look like while making this blog post, I'm crying. But that's alright, he's worth my tears. Maybe 8 months wasn't enough, maybe I should've wait for 2 years. I just thought that maybe.

        This is hard for me. Because I have to smile in front of everybody who knew our story. I have to entertain their questions "How is it going?" I have to smile because I have to hide away my pain. I have to smile because, this makes him happy. And I should be happy too. I will never be "BITTER" to him, nor get mad at him. I will just distance myself a bit for a while, and be friends with him again. *But I don't think I can distance myself from him.

         This is part of my journey, and I just have to face it, I guess? I can get through this, with the Lord's guidance.

            

 

Reaction? Undefined

          "Hindi ako naiinsecure dahil mas maganda siya sa akin or something. O kaya dahil mas matalino siya sa akin or something. Naiinsecure ako kasi mas close siya sa kanya kesa sa akin."

               Wala lang. Ayoko kasi mag-react kasi ayokong masabihan ng childish ulit, pero ano yung irereact ko dun? Na okay lang sa kin yun? Na di ako nasasaktan? Mygaaaaad Chat! Ano ka ba?! Naiiyak ako :l, anhirap ng ganto. Pero kakayanin ko, love ko eh. But, until when? Wala lang nakakapanlumo lang. Pwede naman niya sabihing may doubts pa siya sa relationship namin eh, hindi yung nanghuhula ako. Marunong ako mag-hintay. :(

               Oh well, ano bang magagawa ko? Wew, "CHAT!, kaya mo yan. Wag mong sayangin ang isang taon na paghihintay mo halos dahil lang sa pagseselos mo"

Cut!

          When I found him it feels like forever. But unfortunately, there's no such thing as forever.

          Ang sarap ng feeling ng matutulog ka sa gabi may babati sa'yo na Goodnight I love you. At pag-gising mo sa umaga uulit ulitin ,mo ang basa ng text na yun tas mapapangiti ka. O kaya naman yung mag-gogodmorning sa'yo, at yung pag-aalis ka may magsasabi sa'yo, "Uy, ingat ka. Mahal kita. Lagi kong chinecherished yung mga ganung moment kasi alam ko they won't last. Actually ngayon as in ngayon habang nagtatype ako, umiiyak ako. HAHAHA. Weird ano? Eh wala eh, ansakit lang malaman yun.

          Ano nga ba yung nalaman kung yun? Ahhh, pupunta na kasi siya sa Japan sa February. As in dun na siya titira. Oo na wala pa kaming 1 buwan pero bakit di na ba ko pwede malungkot. May trust ako sa kanya na if ever na kami pa at that time, makakaya namin ang Long Distance Relationship, pero kahit pag-balik baliktarin mo ang mundo may threats pa din na lumabo ang pagsasamahan niyo. Hayyyy Chat, bakit ba laging ganto nanyayare sa'yo? Tama na O.A na yung tulo ng luha ko eh.

          So, ilang days na lang anng bibilangin ko ganun ba yun? Ayoko! Ayoko icountdown, baka mas lalo akong mahirapan n tanggapin na di ko na siya makikita ever pag patak ng February. Bakit pa kasi kelangan nalalaman ko pa yun eh. Di ba pwedeng surprise na lang? Para di ko dinadamdm na "Aalis na siya sa February." Arrgggh, Chat ano ka ba wag ka nga umiyak ng O.A diyan.

Captivated

          "For a second that I exist, I felt how to dream again with the help of the reality"

          I'm not as pretty as you might think, nor as seductive as what you expect, but guess what he loves me for this is me. For so looooooooong,all I ever believe was the fact no one will ever love me for this is what I looked like. But he, he made me destroy that belief. Made me realized that I'm not ugly to be unloved (is there such word as unloved? =))) ). He cured my insecurities and boost my self-esteem. He taught me to be me. And I thanked him for that.

 

Magshashare ako

       Everytime you cry for the person you love, I often tell you, “Mahal mo nga siya talaga.” Not knowing that while you’re crying, I also cry secretly saying, “Di ba pwedeng ako na lang mahalin mo?” ---> I said this once last december.

       Natutuwa lang ako kung pano ako nag-drama ng ganto noon. Hahahaha. Nakakahiya eh ano naman? Nakuha ko naman siya ngayon.

Naexcite lang Ako

Mr. Right

          "Who's that boy, it's Greg" [singing the title sequel of new girl]. Mr. Right? I never believe on that. Really. But until I met him., everything change. He's my dream guy, not because of his perfect looks, but also because of his imperfections. He wasn't as tall as I expected to, nor as good as I want to, but in order to love truly a person, one must accept who they really are. I love the way he smile, how he say iloveyou, how he let me felt his sentiments, I want everything of him. I might be crazy like now, but this is the truth that I can't hide. He's just the man I wanted to be with *if we could  until I grow old and watch my kids have their family. That's just love, i guess?

I Just Crossed The Bridge

          I could actually say how martyr I am when it comes to love matter. Let's admit it. Not everyone has the ability to wait. The patience and everything. Beyond that, I'm happy I've done everything I could for HIM. It has been a year since the day I fell in love with this guy. As far as I remember it was December 2010 when I confessed, funny because I got rejected. It was like my heart was shattered into a thousand pieces. But then again I said, "There will be a right time for this". So I just went with the flow. Maybe, many of you might say "move on, there's lot of fish in the sea", sorry, there's only one fish that I wanted to catch to, and that's him.

          Months after, April, to be exact was the end of our communication. After that I haven't heard any news from him. No texts, facebook account were deleted nothing was left. Desperate as it seems. I googled his name, opened every links. But still no signs. I kinda lose some hope and told myself "he's just not the man for me". Every second of the day, every minute of the hour, I just felt something was missing and incomplete :/. Thought that maybe that's just the way life goes.

          June 2011, it's raining and cold outside, I texted him, and unfortuntely all he said was "Sino ka? Delete num". I was kinda pissed off but there's nothing I can't do about it. Maybe he's just mad at me, i don't know. *sigh.

          Hi July, you remind me of him again. I don't know exactly the date, atleast I know his birthday is on July. Happy birthday to him, hope that he's happy with his life. I wonder how he was. Is he still alive? At the hospital? Or fit and health? Hope he was.

          Dear September, it's my month y'know. Please be good at me. Hope my wish do come true *fingers crossed.




           THIS IS THE LATEST POST. I JUST COPY PASTE EVERYTHING ON TOP. =)))

            Hi it's December 6, 2011 to be exact. Can't believe that after all those sentiments, I actually have him in my life. It was December 2, I guess when  HE finally text backed. All of my sentiments are worth the wait. =))))). He is part of my life already. I want him to be a part of my every single moment in this world. I want him to be the reality of my dreams, the smile on my face, and be part of my every success. I might be too young to say these stuffs, but atleast I want him to be as one of my priority in my life. And I'm thankful God finally gave the answer to my prayers and I can finally say "I just crossed the bridge" . I love you FERDINAND MASUYOSHI RAZO CORPUZ JR. :****

Name cannot be FOUND

        "The joy that I felt when I finally talked to him is like the joy that I felt when I fell in love"

8 months. 8 months since nung huling pag-uusap namin. Nakakatawa kasi 8 months ang tinagal para lang masabi kong "si Chat 'to". 8 months para mag-karon ng lakas ng loob para sabihin lang ang pangalan ko. At ngayong alam na niya, anung susnod na manyayare?

Two worlds apart

         

Because My World Stop Spinning When I'm With You

          Soooooo para na akong si Bob Ong ngayon. Ang blog post ko ay walang connect sa title ng blog ko. HAHAHAHAHA. Ansaya maging ganto. Parang may sapiiii. These days are like the worst days of my life. Haaayyyy Chat kelan ka ba magsisipag sa pag-aaral mo? LOL. Anyway, I finally found my bestfriend. Yieeee :""""""">. Buhay pa siya! And kinikilig naman akoooo. =)))))))

That is Unconditionally Implicit

        Welcome to the world of my bad mouth! Yeah! When I say bad mouth I mean it. Well I don't oblige you to read this post pero kung gusto niyo keri lang basahin niya matmaan ka sana! LOL. So gagawin ko na talagang bilingual ang mga blog posts ko para maiba naman ako.

         "I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you".

           Nakakairita ang mga taong masyadong feel ang nararamdaman niya ay LOVE. Anobayaaaaaaan! You have lots of years pa eh! Sabik??! Di pwedeng mag-hintay?! O.A ahh. Buti sana kung habulin talaga eh kasoooooooo ikaw pa nga ata yung humahabol at umaasa eh. Kaya wala kang say! Chos! Haba ng hair mo ayyyy joke kapal pala ng face mo. Mag ganyan ka pag maganda ka na at mature ka na. Palapa kaya kita sa daga ng maFEEL mo yung pandidiri sa ginagawa mo. =)))))))))))))))). Syempre in your thoughts pag nabasa mo 'to sasabihin mo na ang SAMA KO. =)))). Ako masama? Nope. Rude, OYEA! \m/. Pero BITCH , hindi pa. Wala namang bitch na biboblog pa ang gustong sabihineh no. Engot ka kasi eh. Di mo alam ang BITCH pero ginagamit mo. TROLOLOLOLOLOL :))))))))))))). Walang BITCH na nag-paparining! Lalalalala. O ayan! Magsumbong ka ulit. Paabutin mo hanggang sa prefect, hanggang diyan sa adviser mo, sa batchmates mo. Sige lang! You always turn the story upside down and make yourself in the safe side. Sorry everybody knew your attitude already and I'm the only person who has the courage to tell this to YOU. Tenen! I'm rude di ba? Atleast I'm not a whore like you. YUP! You heard it right WHORE . It suits you. Ooops. You'll thank me in the future I assure you that. But for now, you'll hate ALOT. And I'll be the worst creature that you've ever known and ever meet in your whole life. You made my life a damn hell the last time. Then I'll made yours worst. I warned you already "Wait for my Sweet Revenge". Goodbye S-U-C-K-E-R!

yours truly,

CHAT

I Wielded Too Much

          I didn't know the special day. I just knew. So I prepare. And I prepare too much. I thought that could be a good idea but I it wasn't. I learned my lesson and promise that I will never do it again. And for the following days I won't talk to him. I'll make sure I will.

Can't Be That. No More PLEASE

I Fell in My Own Trap

          I'm starting to believe again to the fantasy he created for me. And I wonder until when will I be like this? I mean, until when will I keep on believing to those lousy lies? Options are always available. And that is either to escape it or to play it. What if the options won't work for me? I guess I have to go back from being a  lonely grieving heartbroken fragile lady until I reach the so called "end". Is there really and end? Or is it just me hoping that there is an end. Am I that strong? I guess I'm not. I'm too weak. Too fragile for this. And when I' m almost there at the so called end I may collapse and lose the game. And do the same thing all over again. And let this never ending pain eat me. Is this why fantasy was created? To let us feel how painful those sweet things are in the world of reality.

We All Cover Ourselves With a Nice Make-up

          Well you see these days aren't really that good. The weather is in catastrophe, a lot of people died, and I lost a notebook [I'm really freakin' out]. It's really nice how we cover up ourselves to be good in picture. To escaped with the unwanted criticism that most of our colleagues will tell us. And I'm sure nobody wants to receive that. But as we cover up ourselves to be good in their eyes, even if we are already changing ourselves for the worse, still criticisms are still ahead of us. And somehow ask yourselves, "What went wrong?". That's how rude people are, and that is why it's so hard to trust. I got so envy to those who never fails to lose the trust invested to them. I wonder how do they keep it for years?

Sisikat din ang Bagong Umaga

          Friday. Weekend nanaman. As usual lahat ng tao masaya pag ang friday ay pumatak na. Pero ang school hindi. Laging malungkot ang ambiance. Araw- araw nakakapanlumo tignan ang mga mukha ng mga guro kong nasasalubong. Pilit nilang tinatago ang mga lungkot na nadarama nila sa isang mapanglinlang na NGITI. Laging sambit ang mga katagang "Let us offer our prayer to Sir De Real" tuwing mag-uumpisa ang klase. Hindi ako against dito, sana nga laging may prayer brigade para gumaling na siya, pero kahit papano, nakakahawa din ang lungkot na pinipilit nilang tinatago sa kanilang mga mata.

          Di ko naging teacher si Sir, di din kami close. Pero nagkaron ako ng significant memory sa kanya nung napag-diskitahan akong idamay ni sa kunwaring panunukso sa kanya. Nakakatawa na nakakainis siya nun kasi pinatulan niya ang joke ni Sir Alson, at nakakinis kasi dinamay ako. Oks lang, yung lang kasi ang masayang memory ko sa kanya. Sa nakikita ko naman isa siyang mabait at masiyahing guro. Maaalalahanin sa kanyang mga advisory class kahit na madalas ay nagaglit siya sa mga ito. Supportive din siya at IDOL ko siya sa volleyball. Ngayon ay nasa ospital si Sir ngayon. Malubha at comatose. Di ko alam kung bakit sa dinami daming tao sa mundo siya pa pinili na magka-ganyan, pero siguro nga may mas maganda pa Siyang plano sa kanya. At nananalig akong gagaling din siya.

          Ngayon halos lahat ng tao sa school malungkot. Di namamalayan nakakasakit na din sila ng tao dahil sa kanilang pagkalugmok. Alam ko naman na malungkot, and I know that it breaks their heart. Affected sila ng panyayaring iyon dahil naging malapit na din si Sir sa kanya. Pero sana wag nilang kalimutan na andiyan Siya para gabayan si Sir, at isa lamang itong pag-subok sa kanya. We all know na kaya niya itong lagpasan, warrior siya eh. Kaya maibsan sana ang mga pusong tila nadudurog sa kada-araw na lumilipas na walang pag-babago sa kanyang kalagayan. Maaring minsan tayo ay nawawalan na ng pag-asa, pero wag natin kalimutan 'Sisikat din ang Bagong Umaga'.

Psalms 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

Naissance

          Another taglish post sa blog na ito. Nakakatuwa pala yung ganotng post. At least ang kukutyain lang sa post mo eh yung sinasabi mo hindi yung kaartehan mong mag-english. Feel ko naman mas maganda na yung gantong post.

           So today is my birthday, and before this day ends, with a not so good ending gusto ko na agad i-blog ang mga mumunting katha na gusto ko ipangalandakan sa mundo. Wala namang masama sa pag-share di ba? XD. Naissance, yan ang titlle ng post ko ngayon. Bakit nga ba Naissance? Kasi ibig sabihin niyan beginnig, parang birthday, beginning of life. So naging makulay naman kahit papano ang birthday ko. At eto ikekwento ko ngayon.

          5 in the morning nagising ako para pumasok as usual. Pag-gising ko baba agad ako at naligo. Nag-bihis, nag-ayos at boom ayan na ang serivce. Well palabas ako ng gate kinakabahan ako, mej ineexpect ko na kasi na babatiin nila ako eh. So eto na nga. Pagbukas ko ng pinto binati na ako agad ni Kuya Ryan ng HBD tas sumunid si Ella, Calvin, at JP. At habang paalis na sa harap ng bahay namin, kinantahan naman ako ni JP ng happy birthday. Haha. At yun si Samuel na, binati niya din ako, at tenen di niya talaga pinalampas ang pag-remind sa akin na  ilibre ko siya. Tsss. Haha. So dun na natapos ang journey ko papuntang school.



         So nasa school na ako at dahil kaming dalawa lang ni Samuel ang nasa room natulog ako, at habng di ko namamalayan dumadami na pala ang tao, ginising talaga ako ni Jessica ng pablagbag para lng batiin ako, at naappreciate ko yun. Haha. Na sinundan ni Ange, ni Sinohin na may saby na "Happy birthday chat, yess timezone". Hahaha. t hanggang lahat na ay bumati sa akin. Homeroom na at nalaman ni Ms. Em na b-day ko pinakanta niya ang klase ng HBDat pilit talaga nila sinasakto ang pangalan ko. Kahit ayaw. Hihi. So sige pinangalandakan na ni Sinohin sa kada teacher na darating ang birthday ko. Tssss. Hahahaha. At ang haba pa nito kung itatype ko pa, may eng pa ako na gagawin. Hihi. Basta masaya at makulay ang birthday ko. Sana ikaw din maging masaya at makulay birthday mo soon. HAhaha. O siya. Byee.

Preface

       Preface sa ibang salita introduction. Yesss nag-tagalog ako sa blog na ito. Wala lang gusto ko lang. O para sa iba "trip lang". Bakit nga ba preface??? Yung totoo? Di ko din alam eh. Pero meaning kasi niya umpisa. Umpisa kasi, bago nanaman yung mga iopost ko dito. Nakakasawa na din pala ang madramang buhay. Kasi naman puro na lang love at broken hearts ang laman ng blog ko, eh wala pa naman akong experience dun. Nakikiuso lang naman ako.

       It's a fresh new start nga naman talaga. At ang masaya pa Senior na nga ako, bukas pa ang 16th birthday ko. Ansaya di ba? Di ko alam kung paano ako makakawala sa paulit ulit nilang pag-sabi ng mga nakakalokang salita na "Uyyy blow-out naman diyan!". Nakakarindi rin pala yun? Hindi naman sa ayaw mong mantreat kaso paulit-ulit? =))))). Maybe being who you really are makes us different. Pero somehow, bakit kelangan intrigahin nila yung pagkatao mo? Hindi naman ito telenobela para subaybayan araw-araw. Di ka naman artista at sila ang mga pesteng paparazzi na mistulang agiw na pakalat kalat. Buti sana kung kasing tapang nila si Manay Lolit para sabihin ito sa'yo ng buong loog hindi yung, pa-STATUS STATUS o kaya naman itiTWEET na lang para di makita. Pero pag nag-kita tumatameme na lang at kunwari walang nanyari. Well, di naman kasi tumatalab ang ganun sa akin eh. Although, I do that everytime, not because I'm afraid to do so, kaso dahil once na sinabi mo yun ng diretso sa taong yun kakalat agad ang chismis at for sure tranding topic na yun sa buong school.

       I have a lot of issues sa sarili ko, kaya nakakatawa yung mga taong nag-laslas daw. Yung laslas na di naman nakamamatay, well nakaka-Tanga siya pakinggan at tignan kasi kung yan lang pala ang drama mo sa buhay eh di tuluyan mo, DUH? Lahat naman tayo may sari-sariling issues sa buhay. At kung iaanalyzze mo naman ng mabuti pare-parehas lang tayo ng issues iba-iba nga lang ng story. Ok, mahaba na 'to next post na lang