Closing Stages

                    "I have something to tell- greg"

            Yesterday, December 11, 2011. The relationship that I've always wanted has ended. The guy that I always love, break up with me. And if I could describe myself last night, I was TERRIBLE. The time that I have received that message I felt the nervousness of, "what's this, is he breaking up with me? oh please not now." But guess what, my feelings are right. He did break up with me. I'm not mad because we're over as far as I remember he want us to be the same, more likely as FRIENDS. But still it's really painful to hear the words "I'm breaking up with you" that's why maybe I cried a lot.

        I cried a river last night. I cried while I'm telling my close friend about what what had happened, I cried when he's telling me the reason. I just CRIED. I felt like I've wasted my almost one year of waiting, but I just have to smile, be lucky, that I still found him. If you're curious what do I look like while making this blog post, I'm crying. But that's alright, he's worth my tears. Maybe 8 months wasn't enough, maybe I should've wait for 2 years. I just thought that maybe.

        This is hard for me. Because I have to smile in front of everybody who knew our story. I have to entertain their questions "How is it going?" I have to smile because I have to hide away my pain. I have to smile because, this makes him happy. And I should be happy too. I will never be "BITTER" to him, nor get mad at him. I will just distance myself a bit for a while, and be friends with him again. *But I don't think I can distance myself from him.

         This is part of my journey, and I just have to face it, I guess? I can get through this, with the Lord's guidance.