"We do hold our own destiny. And create our own fate. Its just a matter of a perfect time"
Kanina as I was writting in my journal, I think, a lesson came in to my mind and made me realize that, na I have to lose the grip on what I am hoping for now. I mean kelangan ko ng bumitaw sa pag-asa kong magiging kami ulit ngayon. Not because ayoko na at sumusuko na ko, but because ayokong ipilit ang mga bagay kasi baka mas lalong mawala sa akin. I still love him that is inevitable. That wouldn't change. He'll always be in my heart. I just have to be contented on this kind of relationship. This type of relationship na we don't have have to prioritize each other kasi KAMI. Gusto ko kung ano yung love na pinakita ko at shinare namin nung kami, the sweet moments yung ganun mapreserved yun. Ayokong mareplace siya ng hate, ng regrets, o kaya ng pain. Kasi gusto ko if "kung saka-sakiling meron pa, at magiging kami ulit", I want it to happen in the right time, in a perfect moment. And there I'll know na siya na talaga. Maybe I just have to focus on other things. Lalo na in my future. Not because I don't love him anymore and I want to forget him but because I want to give ourselves a time for our own.
Now, kahit tears are still in my eyes overflowing everynight [haha.exage kasi] okay lang kasi somehow I found peace in this decision I made. And I trust him naman. And if ever there's no chance for the "US", ang liar kung sasabihin kong "okay lang" all I can say is, "Kakayanin ko." Kasi alam kong mahirap maging masaya para sa iba. I know I maybe too young for this, pero that's the reality. At kasi nag-mahal din naman ako ng lubos. :)
Ewan ko. Pero kasi ganto talaga ang buhay. Di lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo. Minsan may kelangang mawala sa'yo na importante para matuto ka sa buhay.
"Because I have to stay firm. Maybe not for my own sake but for yours. Not for my happiness but for yours. Because I love that big. And even though fate and destiny wouldn't give me a chance to be with you, I will love you still."
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