My Own Agony

“Will I ever forget? Will I never sob? Will I ever love you less? Or will I just be stuck in my bittersweet yesterday?Will I ever find, a man I cannot compare to you?”

                           Do you believe in the magic of stars? That when you found that one star that made a marked on you, that star would be the person that you always think about. And when you miss that person just look at that star and you’ll feel home, and it will somehow made you feel better.  I believe in that magic, that’s what I always do whenever I miss him. And thought that maybe he’s looking at the same star I’m looking to, and think of me too. Funny because I know I’m making myself believe in an impossible dream. Right now, he’s in Japan already, I guess. Hope he’ll feel loved now that he’s with his family now. Hope he’ll find his real happiness. And I hope that he’ll feel home again, because I think that the feeling of being home makes him incomplete as a human being. You know what I mean.

                            This day is full of pretentions. Kasi kelangan ko i-hide yung totoong nararamdaman ko. Kaya kanina when I felt lonely, lumalabas ako, sat in my dad’s car and watch the stars kaso walang stars kaya nalungkot ako lalo. And then umiyak ako. Kasi I remembered the things that happen a few days back. Then pumasok sa isip ko yung sulat. Yung dapat na sulat na will change everything. Then I cried, di ko napigilan eh. In my mind sana nakuha ko na lang yun kaagad. Pero I didn’t, and that was the painful part. Whenever I thought of him, I can’t help my eyes from secreting tears. Kahapon before he go, inusulit ko yung every minute na katex ko siya, kasi alam ko hindi ko na magagawa yun sa kanya ulit. Nakakainis lang kasi nakatulog ako. Andami dami ko pang gusto ikwento sa kanya. Kamusta na kaya siya ngayon? Ano na kayang ginagawa niya? Sana di niya ko makalimutan. Ewan ko sabi ko kena Ange at Jenny, kakalimutan ko na siya pag-alis niya ng Pinas. Pero hindi ko pala kayang gawin. Kasi mas lalo ko lang siya naalala. Sana kahit papano I crossed his mind, kaso alam ko sa sarili ko di manyayare yun.